The command to honour one’s father and mother is among
the most foundational moral instructions in Scripture. First given in the Ten
Commandments, it is later reaffirmed in the New Testament as a continuing moral
obligation for God’s people. Yet, despite its familiarity, this command is
often misunderstood, misapplied, or extended beyond its biblical intent. A
careful examination of Scripture shows that honouring parents involves
appreciation, respect, proper submission, and provision, while also recognising
clear boundaries established by God.
The Biblical Foundation of Honour
The fifth commandment states, “Honour your father and
your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your
God gives you.”
To “honour” carries the idea of giving weight, value, and
due regard. It is not merely an external act, but an inward posture expressed
through attitudes, speech, and conduct. Scripture consistently presents honour
as something that flows from gratitude and reverence, rather than fear or
compulsion.
The New Testament reinforces this command, “Children,
obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honour your father and mother
(which is the first commandment with a promise).”
This shows that honour remains relevant under the New
Covenant, though obedience is explicitly framed as being “in the Lord,”
indicating a higher authority governing all human relationships.
Appreciating One’s Parents
Honouring father and mother includes genuine
appreciation. Parents are instruments through whom God gives life, nurture,
instruction, and care. Even when parents are imperfect, their role remains
significant. Appreciation may be expressed through gratitude, patience,
forgiveness, and acknowledgement of sacrifices made.
This does not require idealising parents or ignoring
their failures. Rather, it reflects a recognition of God’s design for family
and a willingness to show grace, just as believers have received grace from
God.
Accepting Parental Authority Within God’s Design
During childhood and adolescence, honour includes
obedience to parental authority. Scripture clearly teaches that children are to
submit to their parents’ guidance and discipline. This authority is real, but
it is not unlimited.
Parental authority is delegated, not absolute, temporary,
not lifelong in the same form, subordinate to God’s authority.
As children mature and form their own households, the
nature of the relationship changes. The Bible teaches that a man leaves his
father and mother and is joined to his wife. Honour continues, but authority
shifts. Adult children are no longer under parental rule, though they remain
under obligation to respect and care for their parents.
Treating Parents with Respect
Respect is central to honour. This includes speaking to
parents with dignity. Avoiding contempt, ridicule, or abusive language. Listening
thoughtfully, even when disagreement exists.
Respect does not require agreement in all matters, nor
silence in the face of wrongdoing. One may respectfully disagree, set
boundaries, and even confront sin when necessary, while still maintaining a
posture of honour.
Providing for Parents in Need
Scripture strongly emphasises practical care for ageing
or needy parents. Providing for them materially, emotionally, and relationally
is a tangible expression of honour.
The Bible condemns those who claim religious devotion
while neglecting their responsibility to care for their parents. Honouring
father and mother therefore includes ensuring they are not abandoned or
disregarded in their later years, when they may be most vulnerable.
Common Misconceptions About Honouring Father and Mother
1. “To honour your father and mother, you must let
them control your marriage.”
This is a misunderstanding of biblical honour. While
parental wisdom and counsel should be valued, marriage decisions belong to the
individual before God. Scripture teaches that marriage establishes a new
primary human relationship. Allowing parents to control one’s marriage is not
required by Scripture and can, in some cases, undermine God’s design for
marital unity.
Honour involves respect and consideration, not
surrendering marital authority to parents.
2. “Your father and mother have ultimate authority
over your life.”
Only God has ultimate authority. Parental authority is
real but limited. When parental demands conflict with God’s commands, obedience
to God must take precedence. This principle is clearly established throughout
Scripture.
Honouring parents never requires disobedience to God,
participation in sin, or the violation of conscience informed by Scripture.
3. “Honouring your father and mother requires you to
follow their religious beliefs.”
Honour does not mean adopting the faith, theology, or
religious practices of one’s parents. Each individual is personally accountable
before God. While children should respect their parents’ beliefs and avoid
unnecessary offence, faith cannot be inherited or imposed.
Scripture calls believers to remain faithful to God, even
when family members disagree. Honouring parents may involve gracious dialogue
and respectful conduct, but not religious conformity.
4. “To honour your father and mother, you must
participate in traditional rites of ancestor worship.”
This misconception is particularly significant in
cultures where ancestor veneration is common. Scripture strictly forbids
worship directed toward anyone other than God. Participating in religious rites
that attribute spiritual power, mediation, or worship to ancestors is
incompatible with biblical faith.
Honouring parents does not include religious practices
that contradict God’s revealed will. True honour is moral and relational, not
ritualistic worship.
Honour Without Idolatry
One of the greatest dangers in misunderstanding this
command is turning honour into idolatry, elevating parents to a place that
belongs to God alone. Scripture consistently affirms love, respect, and care
for parents, while maintaining that allegiance to God is supreme.
Honour ought to be rooted in Scripture, not merely in
cultural practice. It should nurture relationships, not enforce oppression. It
must be God-centred rather than focused on parents.
Final Thoughts
To honour one’s father and mother is to value them as
God-appointed figures in one’s life, expressed through appreciation, respect,
appropriate submission, and provision. It is neither blind obedience nor
lifelong control. Nor does it require surrendering personal responsibility,
faithfulness to God, or moral integrity.
Properly understood, honouring father and mother promotes
family stability, personal maturity, and faithfulness to God without confusion,
fear, or bondage. It is a command that, when rightly applied, brings blessing
rather than burden.
No comments:
Post a Comment